We are eating dinner in silence. The only sound is the soft whir of the ceiling fan

above the table. I can feel her eyes piercing me with questions. I keep my eyes on

my plate of food, watching as my fork mashes my food into all sorts of contortions.

I hate this when it happens. I don't understand it and I know that she doesn't

either.

I feel that my heart is going to explode, yet I can't talk. I just sit there staring at that

damn plate. But in my mind there is a whole conversation going on with her. I

need you to understand...I need you to ask questioins....I feel so lost.....Why are you

just staring at me like that....Please put your arms around me and reassure me that

everything is going to be okay.....Say you love me.....Say that I am good....Please say

what I need to hear so desperately because I can't seem to move right now.....

These thoughts and more swirl around in my mind making me dizzy. Finally, she

has had enough. She moves her chair next to me and grabs my hand. "Kellie,

where are you tonight? You certainly aren't here with me. What is wrong?"

I am screaming in my head, please just hold me. Just hold me. I need you to hold

me. You know what to do, please, please, I need you right now. Bring me out of

this.

She turns my chair so that I am facing her as she kneels down on the floor to see

my face. I am fixated on the floor. "Kellie, what is happening? " No answer. I feel

dead and trapped in my own body. I hear Molly as if she is a million miles away,

"Kell, I don't know what happened to cause this, but we have talked about it

before and you have said that a love spanking somethimes helps bring you out of

this place. I am willing to help you, but you at least need to nod if that is what you

want me to do. Okay? Would that help you tonight?"

I am numb, but manage a slow nod.

Molly slowly stands up and takes my hand and leads me to our bedroom. I follow

in a fog. She settles herself on the bed and gently guides me over her lap. She puts

a pillow under my cheek. I gaze at the wall in my trance. I am vaguely aware of her

rubbing my back and stroking my hair. I don't feel the first swat as it lands on my

trousers, but I hear the loud crack. It sounds like an echo in a tunnel. Molly lands a

few more on my seat before remarking, "This isn't working very well, Kellie. I am

gonna take your slacks down and see if that helps you to feel yourself again, okay

sweetie?"

She doesn't wait for my reply as she lifts up my bottom and pulls down my slacks

exposing my blue cotton panties. She continues spanking my bottom, stopping

every once in awhile to ask if I feel anything. But I don't reply....I can't. She seems

to understand what I need. She pulls down my panties and starts smacking away

fairly hard amd at a fairly steady pace.

Deep within I stir. I am beginning to feel a warmth in my bottom, although I still

cannot feel her hand actually spanking me. I hear her say that she is going to use

the paddle. She tells me to try and concentrate on the noise the paddle makes as it

connects with my bottom. I try to hear the cracks as land on my rear. Suddenly I

feel a sting as the paddle comes crashing down. A little squeak escapesfrom my

mouth.

"That's it sweetie," Molly soothes as she paddles me harder, "let it out. Don't hold

back. You are coming back....I can feel it." She picks up one of my limp hands and

squeezes it as she continues to spank me. "I know you are hurting sweetheart, let it

out, you have to let it out. Don't let them win. They will never win...do you

understand me. They will never win."

A flood of emotions hit me with those words. Tears rain down on my face and I

am sobbing and screaming. Molly slows down the spanks and then stops

altogether. She turns me over and cradles me as my head rests on her shoulder.

Sobs that wrack the very center of my soul take over. Molly reassures me over and

over that I am safe as she plants little kisses all over my face.

Finally, the sobs turn into little trickles and I stare up into Molly's face. Our eyes

connect in a way that says everything. I see nothing but love and compassion

there. She smiles at me and says, "Welcome back. I missed you."